His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
there is puke in my bra ... again
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