Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I have already put on my inside pants.
Randomize
