dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
