Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
