first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
