Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
