Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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