Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
