69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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