youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
