just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
