he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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