Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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