just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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