Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
