just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize