They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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