I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
barbara walters just said penis...
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
