You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
