Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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