i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize