it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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