the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
