On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
