She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
