Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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