So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
