Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
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