the new term for farting is butt boxing.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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