After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
