I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
