Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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