You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
