If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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