shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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