I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
