yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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