Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
