Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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