she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
