Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
