You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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