That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
