took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I still have a little drunk in my system
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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