grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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