ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
