Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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