It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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