I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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