We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
