it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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