And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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