I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
