If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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