Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize