I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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