then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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