walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
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