Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
