i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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