if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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