No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize